Endlessly Eloping Earwigs

it's time, it's time, it's time



it's that time of year where everyone pulls back the curtains and announces all their new games! we can anticipate stuff like Fallout 4 finally getting-

wait

they did?

well maybe Firaxis is going to do a new-

oh. they announced that too?

I dunno what if EA made a new Need For Speed-

goddammit

well, it's E3 time anyway, let's look at some conferences

BETHESDA, June 14th, 7:00 PM PST

well, they announced Fallout 4 and Doom 4 already, so...I dunno, Dishonored? Skyrim 2? free motor home to everyone who subscribes to The Elder Scrolls Online?

MICROSOFT, June 15th, 9:30 AM PST

Halo 5! Call of Duty! some Platinum thing I guess I dunno! confused looks whenever anyone mentions Kinect, as if asking about unicorns or forgotten children

EA, June 15th, 1:00 PM PST

Mirror's Edge! Need For Speed! Mass Effect?! even more sports shit that nobody could possibly give a shit about, ever?

Ubisoft, June 15th, 3:00 PM PST

The Division! Assassin's Creed! a shitton of games where you have to climb towers! Aisha Tyler!

Sony, June 15th, 6:00 PM PST

Uncharted 4! Until Dawn! free Vitas in every box of frosted flakes! misguided fools hoping for more Persona 5 or The Last Guardian!

Nintendo, June 16th, 9:00 AM

Star Fox! SMTxFE, maybe! a lot of shrugging and hints about the NX

Square-Enix, June 16th, 10:00 AM

uh...wait, really? Square? why? well, umm...FFXV probably, Tomb Raider, yet another vague hint at that FFVII remake, what the hell else are they doing nowadays? oh Deus Ex, right?



this is...gonna be a weird one, I think. either every presser will be non-stop hits, or there'll be nothing to talk about


also! this is the first E3 I'll actually be in LA for! if anyone has any ninja tricks for how I can sneak in, I'll be happy to hear it

let's talk about video games, you guys